I didn't post yesterday because I really didn't have the time or motivation. I got into it with me girlfriend who hands out the medicine to me. Medicine as in percocet or norcos, depending which ever she has. I've been dipping into her medicine, well she has been handing it to me, when I tell her I have a headache. I do experience what can be diagnosed as migraines and let's face it, nothing beyond narcotic painkillers work for that type of pain. Well she's been keeping a diary of when I take the medicine and I've only been taking it on the weekends of late. Some how I only seem fit in asking her for it during those times.
She cane to the conclusion again that her with her meds can't be around me. So she wants to move out again and let me regress into my lonely addiction alone again. That will help me become homeless and begging for money even faster.
I would really like to go away for a year and work on myself because I really need to. Right now I have zero self worth even though there are many people in my life who love me very much. I just need to get over this fear and self-loathing.
Just for today I will try not to get on that 11am train to San Francisco, exit Civic Center to score some opiates in The Tenderloin.
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