What a trip. Last night I had to park the car in the garage, well lot; but the lot belongs to the mechanics garage. After I did that I went to join my girlfriend who was walking our children, that's dogs to the rest of the world. I usually walk south then turn the corner to meet her and walk up the block just a little bit. Well I didn't see her so I walked all the way up to the corner to see if I could see her on the back side of the block. She Wasnt there so I assumed she had walked all the way back to the front side of the street that we live on.
Well as I stood there on the corner about to turn around this dude across the street on the opposite corner starts talking to me. I couldn't really make out what he was saying but what I did hear him say was, "I got 90 Vicodin". I about crapped my shorts right then and there.
I waved him off and he said ok see you around. But I don't know how this dude came to the conclusion that I might want narcotics. Ironic I thought. But I am a White boy who sticks out like a sore thumb in a neighborhood where most of the White folks are drug users and tend to be poor. And I was dressed down too after I took a shower. Workout shorts, Vans no socks and my Baja Sweater with the hoodie on. Guess I did fit the part, whatever part that is.
My girl did say she saw a drug deal go down in one of the four bus stops last week. Just two dudes looking suspicious like us dudes look sometimes.
I don't our little quit nook, quit after 8pm or so to turn into a locale for scoring drugs. That would suck for general security and myself as well. Don't want to be able to score so easy.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Gorillas.and shit
Well I'm on my way back to work after scoring again in the Loin. I bought an OP80 today just like yesterday. I was ignorant to the fact that when folks were saying OP they meant they had the New OC Anti-Abuse formulation. If I would have known this I would have been getting it from the start. No wonder all the street dealers always say OP first. Guess that's what us well dressed people want.
The Anti-Abuse formulation is defeatable but it does take time. Won't go over that here.
Last week I got screwed, or so I thought; who knows(?), by someone named Gorilla. Bought some heroin that time. As I was leaving today I was going down the Civic Center BARTs Escalator when this dude starts yelling at me. Come to find out it was Gorilla from last week. Said he would give me the OP80s for half as much as much as I have gotten them. Which in this world is damn cheap compared to the rest of the US of A. Gave me a number too. I will check it out and see how it goes when I get paid tomorrow.
I can split one 80mg OP in half and take it twice in a day. Last a long time too. Much better to know what you are getting and how much of it. Also said he had Roxies too.
Thought homeboy was shiesty because his $20s of Chiva were small. As I said before Tenderloin Tar ain't got no legs.
I need to take a few days off to give my mu receptors a rest. Don't need to build up too much of a tolerance and don't want to get ill when I do.
Later
The Anti-Abuse formulation is defeatable but it does take time. Won't go over that here.
Last week I got screwed, or so I thought; who knows(?), by someone named Gorilla. Bought some heroin that time. As I was leaving today I was going down the Civic Center BARTs Escalator when this dude starts yelling at me. Come to find out it was Gorilla from last week. Said he would give me the OP80s for half as much as much as I have gotten them. Which in this world is damn cheap compared to the rest of the US of A. Gave me a number too. I will check it out and see how it goes when I get paid tomorrow.
I can split one 80mg OP in half and take it twice in a day. Last a long time too. Much better to know what you are getting and how much of it. Also said he had Roxies too.
Thought homeboy was shiesty because his $20s of Chiva were small. As I said before Tenderloin Tar ain't got no legs.
I need to take a few days off to give my mu receptors a rest. Don't need to build up too much of a tolerance and don't want to get ill when I do.
Later
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tenderloin Tar ain't got no Legs
That's right, no Legs at all. In that I mean doesn't feel like it last that long. I'm certain I'm at the point of diminishing returns with Chiva. Two twenty bags up the nose in about 90 minutes and I'm not even really feeling it now. About three hours after taking my last dose. I took the smaller bag first and I barely felt and burn going through my nose. So I popped open the second bigger bag and doses about half of it. Much more burn the second time around, but it takes about 10 minutes to prepare a dose to go up the nose. It would be better if I could just snort it all at one time. But the mass of the tar in the first place and mixing it with a little saline nasal spray means there would be way too much to sniff. The trick is to make sure the mixed up ingredients stay in the nose and nasal cavity to be absorbed. Too much and a good portion of it will drip out the roof of your mouth and then go into your stomach. And in turn would have to get processed through the kidneys and liver. Which would take too long. I saw somewhere where it said that Oral Heroin was about as potent as Morphine when swallowed. And I know that ain't much fun. I use to be able to eat an 80mg Kadian, extended (i think) release morphine, and barely feel it. And this was four years ago before I farted around with increasing doses and going on and coming off of nasty Asshole Suboxone. I know being on Suboxone for 19 months really fucked-up up my ability to feel and experience opiates.
Really thinking about dropping heroin altogether, unless I want to switch to IV administration. Which scares me to death, don't want to go down that road. As it is right now I enjoy 20mg Hydrocodone much more than I do two whole bags of $20 tar.
Good thing you can get 5mg Vicodins for $1 to $2 in the Tenderloin. The highest I've felt since going to the loin is when a White hooker hooked me up with 30 5mg Vicodin for $30. Got back to work and ate 15 of them then right before my NA meeting I ate 15.
I really need to chill out with the dope.
Really thinking about dropping heroin altogether, unless I want to switch to IV administration. Which scares me to death, don't want to go down that road. As it is right now I enjoy 20mg Hydrocodone much more than I do two whole bags of $20 tar.
Good thing you can get 5mg Vicodins for $1 to $2 in the Tenderloin. The highest I've felt since going to the loin is when a White hooker hooked me up with 30 5mg Vicodin for $30. Got back to work and ate 15 of them then right before my NA meeting I ate 15.
I really need to chill out with the dope.
More Smack
Just bought two $20 of Smack, Chiva, Hop, Hey-Ron down in the loin again. Got them from this dude who I bought off of earlier last week. Last week I remember trying to get a $20 from this one dude who turned out to be a runner. While he went to get the dope another dude, who happened to be the dude I bought off of today asked me if I had been taken care of; and then he showed me a nice sized $20 so I spent my money on that. Beat to go what you can see and be happy with the amount as opposed to waiting for a runner who will mire than likely sell you a smaller amount than what you are paying for.
I did see "My Guy" who is just a dealer and isn't all fucked-up up. But I had already started the deal from the dude from earlier. Wish I would have seen him first because I would have went with him instead since his bags tend to be a little bigger. Funny about My Guy is the very first time I tried to score in the loin a runner tried to hook me up through him. My guy got all mad and said I was a cop. Guess it was because he never saw me before, folks get sketchy don't cha know?
Well its off to the big toilet at work so I can put one of these bags up my nose. Just in the nick of time too. I've got the total round trip down to little more than an hour now.
Oh I saw "MaMa" down there and she wasn't using crutches. I said I hi and she responded with a "good to see you baby". Man I could write a good movie about all the,folks I meet down there.
Here comes 19th street. Got to go.
I did see "My Guy" who is just a dealer and isn't all fucked-up up. But I had already started the deal from the dude from earlier. Wish I would have seen him first because I would have went with him instead since his bags tend to be a little bigger. Funny about My Guy is the very first time I tried to score in the loin a runner tried to hook me up through him. My guy got all mad and said I was a cop. Guess it was because he never saw me before, folks get sketchy don't cha know?
Well its off to the big toilet at work so I can put one of these bags up my nose. Just in the nick of time too. I've got the total round trip down to little more than an hour now.
Oh I saw "MaMa" down there and she wasn't using crutches. I said I hi and she responded with a "good to see you baby". Man I could write a good movie about all the,folks I meet down there.
Here comes 19th street. Got to go.
Damn hooligans and The BART
They did it again last night, shutdown four BART stations to protest the BART Police shooting of a passenger last month. They tried to pull it together last week but it never materialized. BART also shutdown cell service for three hours last week to cut off communications in an attempt to thwart the attempt. Many people are pissed about this and the FCC is also looking into the situation.
Civic Center is the station I and all the other hopeless filers exit to get our dope. Just grateful that these protest only materialize for the afternoon rush hour. Again I'm happy that I live and work in the East Bay because of that.
We finally got our cash advance this morning. Thinking about trying to score something later on.
Also, on another note when I Google my blog it still isn't popping up. I have the setting set where I let Google index my blog. No wonder I only have 12 hits so far. I would much rather write this on a real computer instead Android's buggy interface. I could type a lot faster with all my fingers instead of my thumbs alone. Oh well. That probably won't happen until I can get my old system from
2003 up and running.
Civic Center is the station I and all the other hopeless filers exit to get our dope. Just grateful that these protest only materialize for the afternoon rush hour. Again I'm happy that I live and work in the East Bay because of that.
We finally got our cash advance this morning. Thinking about trying to score something later on.
Also, on another note when I Google my blog it still isn't popping up. I have the setting set where I let Google index my blog. No wonder I only have 12 hits so far. I would much rather write this on a real computer instead Android's buggy interface. I could type a lot faster with all my fingers instead of my thumbs alone. Oh well. That probably won't happen until I can get my old system from
2003 up and running.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Yestrray and Today
I didn't post yesterday because I really didn't have the time or motivation. I got into it with me girlfriend who hands out the medicine to me. Medicine as in percocet or norcos, depending which ever she has. I've been dipping into her medicine, well she has been handing it to me, when I tell her I have a headache. I do experience what can be diagnosed as migraines and let's face it, nothing beyond narcotic painkillers work for that type of pain. Well she's been keeping a diary of when I take the medicine and I've only been taking it on the weekends of late. Some how I only seem fit in asking her for it during those times.
She cane to the conclusion again that her with her meds can't be around me. So she wants to move out again and let me regress into my lonely addiction alone again. That will help me become homeless and begging for money even faster.
I would really like to go away for a year and work on myself because I really need to. Right now I have zero self worth even though there are many people in my life who love me very much. I just need to get over this fear and self-loathing.
Just for today I will try not to get on that 11am train to San Francisco, exit Civic Center to score some opiates in The Tenderloin.
She cane to the conclusion again that her with her meds can't be around me. So she wants to move out again and let me regress into my lonely addiction alone again. That will help me become homeless and begging for money even faster.
I would really like to go away for a year and work on myself because I really need to. Right now I have zero self worth even though there are many people in my life who love me very much. I just need to get over this fear and self-loathing.
Just for today I will try not to get on that 11am train to San Francisco, exit Civic Center to score some opiates in The Tenderloin.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sick doggie
We just had to take our little girl doggie into the vet. She was vomiting earlier today, from about 4am. I didn't want to spend the money on doing so and voiced that opinion about that to my woman. Which made me feel like a total Asshole. Just the fact that I didn't want to foot the bill made me regress into a foul mood where I started to cry. I know she needs help and will probably get over it but to make sure it would be best to take the dog to the vet.
Well about $60 later, with fluids injected into her that's what happened. The vet wasn't too concerned about her vomiting. But still I had my two personalities POP out, one that wanted to apeez(sp?) My woman and the new me who is shopper to be making more decisions who didn't want to spend the money in the first place.
Wish I could interject more humor into this post. Just wish I had more time to share since I have to find places to post here. It's not like my woman is knowing that I have this blog. And if she knew a tenth of the shit that I do she would no longer be with me.
Well about $60 later, with fluids injected into her that's what happened. The vet wasn't too concerned about her vomiting. But still I had my two personalities POP out, one that wanted to apeez(sp?) My woman and the new me who is shopper to be making more decisions who didn't want to spend the money in the first place.
Wish I could interject more humor into this post. Just wish I had more time to share since I have to find places to post here. It's not like my woman is knowing that I have this blog. And if she knew a tenth of the shit that I do she would no longer be with me.
Just for today Bitches!
I'm at my Saturday morning NA meeting. They always go around the room saying they are addicts, their name and their clean time. I say they even though I am sitting there too, should be we right(?), because I'm living a lie at the moment. When the circle hits me I always state my clean time from the date I last used Marijuana, not the last time that I actually used drugs period. Which in this case was yesterday at about 2pm, finishing up my last little bit of BTH that I scored in The Loin the day before.
I must keep face with these folks even though we are all here to help each other out regardless of what we have done ten years ago or even the day before.
Today I don't feel like using. In that I mean I don't feel like taking the BART into The Shitty City to score. Now if I knew where to go that was say closer all bets would be probably off. But I did waste too much money the day before and cannot afford to waste anymore. I'm glad that is my option because atleast for today that means I won't be abusing.
I am Not A Cop, thanks for listening.
I must keep face with these folks even though we are all here to help each other out regardless of what we have done ten years ago or even the day before.
Today I don't feel like using. In that I mean I don't feel like taking the BART into The Shitty City to score. Now if I knew where to go that was say closer all bets would be probably off. But I did waste too much money the day before and cannot afford to waste anymore. I'm glad that is my option because atleast for today that means I won't be abusing.
I am Not A Cop, thanks for listening.
Friday, August 12, 2011
BART trip home
Thought I would write a little bit more. Hopefully I won't get too depressed and not want to post and lose interest as this blog evolves. As I said before I do all this blogging with my mobile phone since I don't have a computer at home. And there is no way in hell I would write this shit on my computer at work. Even though I know we don't monitor website usage and we can turn off the proxy server on our systems at will. Writing this shit up on a computer would make life a whole lot simpler.
Earlier today I had wanted to go to the Tenderloin and score some Roxicodone 30mgs. A gang of folks had a grip of them on Levenworth yesterday. But I did not know how much they were so I just went a head and bought $20 of Chiva from a dealer, not a runner. I much prefer buying my dope from the dealer since that cuts out any possible "TAXATION" that the runner might be assessing. I will hopefully write about the runners in the future.
While doing some research on the subject the past few days I discovered that the Roxicodone 30mgs could be had for as little at $5 each in the Tenderloin since there is so much of it. Poor bastards in other parts have to pay higher prices, like up to as much as $30 a dose; simple economics - supply and demand. Well when I found that out I figured I needed some since there was so much of it yesterday.
I would much rather have a pill with a known amount of a substance in it than buying some Black Tar Heroin that has been stepped on to hell and back. I know that getting $20 worth of Roxis, that's if I can get em for $5 each, will last me longer than $20 of BTH.
Well when I got down to the spot there was hardly shit for people there. Most of the dealers and runners were moving around walking instead of just standing in one spot like the day before. Everyone I was talking to didn't have shit for Roxis. Just Methadone, which I ain't fucked-up with yet, OP or Opana and Chiva of course. I ain't Fucking with Opana because for me to get a half a good buzz out of I would have to slam it due to my tolerance. I ain't Fucking with needles And tolerance is a bitch.
Long story short, I had to force my hand on some Chiva and got screwed out of about half of my money. Paid about twice as much as I normally would. Bought 3 dime bags for twenty each. That really burnt me. And starting to figure out how much BTH I need I knew what I just got wasn't shit. Good $20 bag up the nose to get a good buzz going. So instead of getting the 12 Roxis like I wanted to for $60 which would have lasted me all weekend I took all the dope up my nose in just two hours. Fucking bullshit. Learned the hardway not to give the dude your money until you know just what you are getting. Just another one of the dope life's lessons.
So is the game
Earlier today I had wanted to go to the Tenderloin and score some Roxicodone 30mgs. A gang of folks had a grip of them on Levenworth yesterday. But I did not know how much they were so I just went a head and bought $20 of Chiva from a dealer, not a runner. I much prefer buying my dope from the dealer since that cuts out any possible "TAXATION" that the runner might be assessing. I will hopefully write about the runners in the future.
While doing some research on the subject the past few days I discovered that the Roxicodone 30mgs could be had for as little at $5 each in the Tenderloin since there is so much of it. Poor bastards in other parts have to pay higher prices, like up to as much as $30 a dose; simple economics - supply and demand. Well when I found that out I figured I needed some since there was so much of it yesterday.
I would much rather have a pill with a known amount of a substance in it than buying some Black Tar Heroin that has been stepped on to hell and back. I know that getting $20 worth of Roxis, that's if I can get em for $5 each, will last me longer than $20 of BTH.
Well when I got down to the spot there was hardly shit for people there. Most of the dealers and runners were moving around walking instead of just standing in one spot like the day before. Everyone I was talking to didn't have shit for Roxis. Just Methadone, which I ain't fucked-up with yet, OP or Opana and Chiva of course. I ain't Fucking with Opana because for me to get a half a good buzz out of I would have to slam it due to my tolerance. I ain't Fucking with needles And tolerance is a bitch.
Long story short, I had to force my hand on some Chiva and got screwed out of about half of my money. Paid about twice as much as I normally would. Bought 3 dime bags for twenty each. That really burnt me. And starting to figure out how much BTH I need I knew what I just got wasn't shit. Good $20 bag up the nose to get a good buzz going. So instead of getting the 12 Roxis like I wanted to for $60 which would have lasted me all weekend I took all the dope up my nose in just two hours. Fucking bullshit. Learned the hardway not to give the dude your money until you know just what you are getting. Just another one of the dope life's lessons.
So is the game
New to here
Hello folks, I am Not A Cop. I am an Addict. Hopelessly so as a matter of fact. I thought I would start this blog so I can follow my own life's follies. That is since its easy for me to forget what I've done the day before or even what I told my girlfriend the day before. Hopefully I can look back at a prior days post and gain some insight for a reason to stop abusing.
First and foremost I am Not A Cop. You may ask yourself why I chose this title. Well it is the most popular question I get asked when I go down to the Tenderloin to score what I want to score for that day. Seems like more and more folks lately are use to seeing me in The Loin so they aren't as freaked out. I've only been down there a few odd times since my birthday a few weeks back. And truthfully I don't know how many more times I will be going back. I would like to believe I will never, ever go back down to Levenworth and Turk again. But I cannot be 100% sure of this because I am an addict and cannot control my own self-destructive behaviors in the midst of an active addiction.
I scored earlier today during lunch. Each time I score I have to jump on the BART, the local transit rail system in the bay area. The entire trip cost $6.20 since I'm going between Oakland and the Civic Center bart stations. And takes just a little over an hour including scoring most times. It's funny, like I said I've only done the trip a few times in the past weeks but I have already started seeing some familiar faces getting off at civic center then get back on again to get back to work. Like me they are scoring too. Don't know what their poison is though.
I'm going to stop right here since the typing interface on my phone is really starting to piss me off. We don't have a computer at home even though I am a computer geek, I work in Technology though I won't say at what capacity and what industry. Must keep my anonymity somehow. Seems like the Android Phone OS is a bit Fucking Buggy, pissing me off. And also autocorrecting words that I don't want nor need. As a matter of fact I cannot get the keyboard to appear in "Compose" mode. I've been writing this whole think in HTML edit. So I hope it looks ok or I don't have to rewrite this motherfucker.
Cheers bitches.
First and foremost I am Not A Cop. You may ask yourself why I chose this title. Well it is the most popular question I get asked when I go down to the Tenderloin to score what I want to score for that day. Seems like more and more folks lately are use to seeing me in The Loin so they aren't as freaked out. I've only been down there a few odd times since my birthday a few weeks back. And truthfully I don't know how many more times I will be going back. I would like to believe I will never, ever go back down to Levenworth and Turk again. But I cannot be 100% sure of this because I am an addict and cannot control my own self-destructive behaviors in the midst of an active addiction.
I scored earlier today during lunch. Each time I score I have to jump on the BART, the local transit rail system in the bay area. The entire trip cost $6.20 since I'm going between Oakland and the Civic Center bart stations. And takes just a little over an hour including scoring most times. It's funny, like I said I've only done the trip a few times in the past weeks but I have already started seeing some familiar faces getting off at civic center then get back on again to get back to work. Like me they are scoring too. Don't know what their poison is though.
I'm going to stop right here since the typing interface on my phone is really starting to piss me off. We don't have a computer at home even though I am a computer geek, I work in Technology though I won't say at what capacity and what industry. Must keep my anonymity somehow. Seems like the Android Phone OS is a bit Fucking Buggy, pissing me off. And also autocorrecting words that I don't want nor need. As a matter of fact I cannot get the keyboard to appear in "Compose" mode. I've been writing this whole think in HTML edit. So I hope it looks ok or I don't have to rewrite this motherfucker.
Cheers bitches.
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